Friday, June 21, 2013

Audition Pieces

I remember the last night of the last performance

Starring up at the lights like it would be the last time
I shouldn't have done that
I should've closed my eyes and refuse to look
In hopes THAT would fuel my progression

Up at 5am to donate plasma to pay for voice lessons
Dumpster hop for bottles and cans
For dance shoes, dance class payment plans
Stand at the corner of "Can't & Hack-it" taking handouts for headshots
I should've NEVER looked at those lights

Starred at those angels so long I learned their names
Burned into my retina, I'll see ya in my dreams when I sleep
I didn't develop the "need" to see them anywhere else
Forgetting that I shouldn't have been in a position to see them at all

Wore that privilege on my shoulders as if I truly earned it
How I pranced around professionals like I was one of them
A true testament to my acting ability

Those lights, those angels
Have become a memory
Picking at the scab after I got cut
Use those songs/
Bang my head against those audition pieces
Broken into a collage of "almost got it"s
Sung for different directors and assistants
An accompanist 
Who is familiar with the music but never seen it infront of them
Spark a fire in my chest and let GO


This is Benny
In this room
Almost performed on that stage
In my life
Left only to reminisce over the story as if suffering from dementia
Things that never happened
I'm slowly remembering
The pieces
By the picture I see
These aren't like angels I see in my dreams

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